170210 ~ 12.30am

Hey sweetlings...

I've missed you guys a lot and yeah, I wish I was there with you. Life has been totally different and blah without you guys to fill my empty moments… so, let's start today's post on my thoughts and feelings for the day.

I'm sure some of you who know me well would know that I am a very fussy person. Not fussy in the "me,me,me‼" way but more of the "taking care of others" way. Right? At least that was what I was told. But anywho's I hate it when people skip meals. Especially when the food has been prepared for a while. I mean fine, even though it's just toast and coffee but still? It's the thought that counts, right? I despise it when people disregard my care and concern for them. I hate it when I'm shouted and embarrassed at especially in front of strangers. Where should I put my dignity? How should I carry myself in front of those people the next time I see them? To me, that is just plain rude and selfish. Seriously. WTH?!?! If only I was strong enough and daring enough to stand up against that person, I would. But maybe now is not the time. Cause to me, there is always the proper place and time for (almost) anything and everything.

270210 ~ 11.15 pm

10 days passed since I last recorded what my life was like. 10 days. It seems like a short time, but to me, it felt like an eternity. Went through a lot of situations, interacted with interesting people, did a lot of chores and yada yada yada... I may be surrounded by people, but most of the time, all I felt was loneliness and depression. Yeah. That dreaded word. It's an unpleasant and ugly feeling. But somehow those 2 words seem to go hand in hand. Especially when they're seen in black and white, you just can't help but to accept it. Right??

Anyways, a major event took the Korean music scene by storm 2 days ago. JYP decided that Jay won't be returning to 2PM after all. It sucks. Every time AAA comes on TV, I can't help but to smile a bittersweet smile and shed a few tears. I can't imagine 2PM without their Leadja. Just like how I can't imagine my life without music. But some people just don't get it but whatever. Though Jay is not coming back to 2PM and from what I know, it was HIS own decision, I support it. It's his life, so let him be.

Though it's saddening that he will no longer be the Leader of 2PM, Jay, at least he's starting over as the person Park Jaebeom. I love the guy and respect his decision and all and no, I won't stop supporting 2PM. I'm not a Hottest but I think that it's really stuepid and not to mention ridiculous that the official Hottests are boycotting JYPE and the 6 remaining boys in 2PM. Withdrawing yourself from the official fancafe's?? Threatening to kill JYP and burning down the JYPE building?? Dude, childish much?? Seriously, don't you think that the other boys are suffering too?? They lost a Leader dammit‼ A comrade, a brother whom they've shared a lot of memories with. One less shoulder to lean on when one of them is going through tough time. Yes, the choreography from now on will be weird, but they got over that didn't they?? The promotion for 1:59PM was amazing. There was an improvement in the vocal department and the boys look HOTT in those suit/zombie-like makeup and costumes. I mean the point is, with or without Jay, I don't see them slacking, they worked equally hard or maybe harder than when Jay was in attendance. The dance was cool (albeit a bit stiff- but that was the concept and who am I to judge?); it was all "BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. In your face, Bitch‼". When they won that award last year and the boys mentioned Jay, I couldn't help but to cry too. Wooyoung was crying badly and that was the time when I realized that, "Wow, these boys do care for each other." Even Junho and Chansung were tearing a bit. Now, that kind of chemistry can't be faked. Nuh uh. Not in a million years. So my point is that I hope that the boys hang in there and still believe in the remaining Hottests. If I have a way or know how to contact the boys, I would but alas, I'm clueless and have no idea how to do that but I'll pray for them no matter what.

So yeah. 2PM FIGHTING‼ Saranghae FO EH VUH‼ ^^

Hey my loves…
I haven't been updated anything on MS for the past 2 days. *sighs. Well… I have gone through a riot of emotions. I haven't been listening to Super Junior for more than a week. And even if I did, I would change the song and yeah… *shrugs*

Have you ever get the feeling that you're destined for something big, but in truth you are actually stuck in a rut? Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now… Recently, I watched a Chinese show about Wushu and Olympics. It was about 4 people who had the dream to represent China in the Olympics. 4 athletes who worked tirelessly to achieve their dreams even though in the initial round the opponent they have to go against is one of their own people. The show was so inspiring that at the end of the show, I cried cause I suddenly thought of Hankyung and the time when Super Junior just debuted. That was back in 2006 I think. At that point of time because of some stupid law, he could only perform on 3 broadcasting channels and all because of the fact that he is a foreigner working in the country using the wrong Visa. And also, I have no idea what the channels are but my guess is its KBS, SBS and MNet (I think~ feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). But anywho's, he persevered and stayed strong throughout the whole ordeal. The fact that the other 11 boys were there to support him if he needs them helped a lot. And well, look at where he is now, famous and successful at the age of 26. Kudos to him.

Another shining and proud moment for Hankyung is when he got to participate in the recent 2008 Beijing Olympics Torch Relay. Seriously, I didn't know he was involved in the Relay until only recently. And it's all thanks to the E.L.Fs. I tell you, some of them are really nice people and I'm honoured to have made their acquaintance. I don't think there has ever been a Chinese superstar who has ever participated in the Relay and in other words, Hankyung made history. Again. Why I say again? To me, he is the one who paved way for foreigners to break into the fast-moving, rapidly changing Korean music industry. Don't you think so? I mean look at 2PM's NichKhun. He's a Thai-American who's now one of the few foreign people who's a HUGE hit in Korea. The fact that he has the cutest baby face I've seen on a 21? 22? Year old is a MAJOR plus point for him. So yeah.

But that's beside the point. The point is, at least the aforementioned people have got the support of their friends and family to pursue their dreams. Most importantly the support and blessing from the parents. Now if only I can just open up to my family and tell them straight up what I really want to do with my life. I've talked about it on here a few times already so I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. Now if only I won the prize. Our life would have undergone a drastic change. We would be so busy doing our stuff that I think it would come to the point in which no one would even see us anymore. Yes. That's what I want to spend my time doing. Honing, developing, cultivating, shaping, enriching and improving my skills, my abilities, my body, my life and my mind. It beats having to sit down in front of the computer the whole day to do translation work. Seriously.

So yeah. I hope I get to do this one day. Please pray for me cause I really need this one salvation in my life. I'll end my post for today here and maybe the next time I'll have more stories and things to tell you guys about.

I miss you. So much.

Love,

~Rieanah~