I've been thinking a lot lately.My thoughts kept bringing me back to the day when I was still young and innocent.
Back to the days when life was still simple and easy.
My heart keeps telling me to go on and never give up.
That the days ahead will be brighter, filled with all seven colours of the rainbow, and an eighth un-named majestic colour.
I have been waiting,waiting and waiting but it never did.
The day never came.
"Why??"
Thats the question I kept asking to myself.
Am I just not good enough for this everyone?? For this world? For my past? For my future?
What was it that I did to make you hate me so much?
The way I look? The way I talk? The way i walk? The way I..??
WHAT??!!!
ANSWER ME!!!
I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
THIS HURTS..
IT ALL HURTS..
I just want to give up now...
But..
If I do give up now, I won't ever be able to achieve my hopes and dreams, mum's dream, Kakak Adhe's dream, Kakak Rini's dream and Tosan's dream of ever seeing me successful and doing things that might bring a smile to everyone's faces.
But...
It seems that there are more people who wants to see me fail;
Aunty Sidah, Aunty Mahani, Fifi, Zaza, Razak and to a certain extent Atuk;
too much more than what I would expect.
So how do I go on now?
Despite the loud,booming,irritating laughter that is always associated with me, behind closed doors, I am an introverted girl who is still looking for her place in this big,ugly, cruel world.
The heart beating inside of me, the heart that is giving me what I need to survive is slowing down day by day, burdened by the poisonous words, and vicious actions that people are inflicting upon me and my loved ones.
Someone..
Anyone..
Please help me and tell me what I should do...
Please...
Labels: dream, failure, Family, fear, heartbreak.friends, mother
