Love So Far Away

Ghost of all memories past... Sunday, July 12, 2009 5:44 PM

Alright guys...
I know its been a million years since I've updated but try and bear with me kaez cause there are a few things I have to get off my chest...

First things first...

RIP to Michael Jackson
The Greatest Entertainer who ever lived...
He will be sorely missed by everyone...
His legacy of music, dance and philanthropy will always be remembered...
And I will never,ever forget the day he told me "You Are Not Alone"...
God Bless You Michael...
Innalillahi Wa Innalilahi Roji Un

I would like to dedicate this song to you Michael...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X6ry3BYInk

My guardian's family also received a tragic news on Thursday...
Auntie Siti lost her baby...
Imagine my surprise when i found out...
I was numb for a few hours...but when the emotions kicked in, I literally cried buckets...
It got worse when Fandy, Auntie Siti's son from her previous marriage came up to me when he got home from the hospital visiting his mum, apologized to me in a small voice. saying that its his fault that his baby brother died...
Oh my god...
He gave said it so softly that i thought i misheard him.
But then, I looked into his eyes and saw the unshed tears and what else could i do but take him into my arms and let him cry...
I did what anyone would do in this exact same situation...
Tell him that its not his fault and that life cannot be predicted..
Anyone can and will die anywhere if its their time to go...
He didn't believe it...
But after my fervent promises and assurances that everything would be alright, he calmed down...

How unfair it is that something so wretched could happen to such a beautiful person..??
I've been on the receiving end of her kindness for 4 years now and trust me...
She is one of the most generous,honest,truthful,kind and loving human being I've ever had the opportunity to meet...
When I went to the hospital to visit her, my heart broke even further when i saw her lying on the bed,looking forlorn and all broken up...
I wanna say that life and God is unfair,and we all know that, but what's the point right??
I dare not say and do anything in case i hurt her even further but I did let her know that i would be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to...
I'd also be there for her if she needs someone to hold her hand and provide a source of comfort and strength...
Be strong Auntie Siti...
God have bigger plans for you and when the day comes...I'll be by your side, supporting you 101%

A few days after my birthday, 2 of the most unlikely people dropped a bombshell and broke my heart all over again...
Donna and Ronald.
They wanted to end our friendship.
And what could i do?
I just had to be the breezy and imperturbable person that I am and just take the news with the air of nonchalance that can be achieved by not only having gone through the situation before but sheer despair...
Yeah..
That's what I was feeling...
Despair...
Grief...
Agony..
Bitterness...
Anguish...
Sorrow...
These are some of the few words that can be used to give name to the emotion I had to endure...
Then came the endless questions....
What was it that I had done wrong??
Was I such a bad friend??
Don't I deserve to have any friends at all??
Do I have to have an endless amount of material possessions which would then qualify me to at least be a good friend??
Or am I so UGLY and FAT tat you are ashamed to be seen out in public with me??

I can't help it but my self-esteem,confidence and trust in friendship did take a major hit but,alas...
Nobody was there to answer those questions...
And now...
Thanks to Rini, I know now that maybe the friendship was never meant to withstand the Real world....
So don't worry guys...
I may not be able to get over this yet..
But when I do...
Know that deep in my heart...
Y'all are still my best mates and I'll never hold a grudge against you guys...

I've loved and forever will love you....